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Your Story Isn’t Over

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 In Blog, Body, Real Life, Self Care, Weight

There’s something you should know – YOUR STORY ISN’T OVER.

NoTHING and everyTHING can change. And for the better. But those “THINGS” may not be what you think.

Yesterday, I was sitting on the beach in my bikini reflecting on past beach experiences with my husband. Specifically, the beach trips we took during the years that I struggled with body hate and disordered eating. I can still remember my thoughts from those painful days.

“Do I look like her? Am I bigger or smaller? Do I have a back roll? Does she have less cellulite than me? I wonder what she eats? What are her workouts like? I should have run more before this vacation. How many days would I have to starve in order to get those abs? I bet she counts macros. Is she using supplements? What are they? Is he laughing at my thighs? I need to go low-fat. I should be wearing a one-piece. I’m gross. No, don’t sit like that it makes your stomach look flabby! Suck in when you walk. Try not to jiggle too much. Is she my size?”

Sadly, this isn’t even the half of it. I was sure that I would always think in these fatphobic, fearful terms – comparing, analyzing, sizing up, shrinking back, taking inventory. That I’d never be able to dig my feet into the sand, listen to the ocean, get lost in a good book and be at peace. I was convinced that I was living my LIFELONG STORY. One that wouldn’t end well unless and until I got the body of my capitalism-induced dreams.

But, several years later here I am – liberated in mind and body!

Yesterday, I was wearing the very same bathing suit I wore when I hated and shamed myself. I was sitting beside the very same man. Watching the very same ocean chase my children along the sand. There were plenty of other women on the beach whose bodies were every single shape and size under the sun (literally) and I honored each one of my sisters in their vessels. I HONORED ME TOO! AND I FELT COMFORTABLY AT HOME IN MY OWN SKIN. I have the same thighs that don’t gap, the same cellulite I’ve had since puberty and a six pack that is perpetually in hiding. AND YET, I’M LIVING A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT STORY. The book’s the same. But this STORY, this chapter, is WAY BETTER. I am free. I am present. I am alive. This isn’t the chapter where I’m simply going through the motions, pretending to be happy all the while feeling like a steaming pile of crap on the inside. The pages have turned and that part is long over. I’m all here now. AND EVERYTHING IS EXACTLY AS IT SHOULD BE.

*****

Recently, I was talking to a client and during our conversation, she mentioned her fears of staying in her NOW body. We explored those fears and asked the difficult questions, listing the many reasons why her current bod isn’t compatible with her idea of what it means to be her “best self.”

Then I posed this question: “What if your body isn’t wrong and it’s your definition of ‘best self’ that needs to change?”

And I told her the story I just told you. My story. The one where NOTHING AND EVERYTHING changed. I told her that freedom was available all along. That she didn’t have to reach a body destination to find it or to find herself, for that matter. Instead, it was her willingness to LIVE, to SHOW UP and to SEEK JOY IN THE PRESENT MOMENT that would make all the difference.

Not a cleaner meal plan.

Not a stricter workout schedule.

Not even a smaller, hotter, cellulite free body.

Just a new perspective. AND TONS OF PRACTICE IN MAKING IT A REALITY.

Recently, I shared this with my client. And now, I’m sharing it with you. Because whether it’s about bodies, relationships, jobs, parenting or any of the zillion other “THINGS” you might feel STUCK IN and STUCK WITH – YOUR STORY ISN’T OVER.

NOTHING AND EVERYTHING CAN CHANGE (with some new perspective and a whole lot of practice)!

So, keep turning the pages. I’ll be right here cheering you on.

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